Janet has taken lots of stand alone trainings over the years, from Hospice volunteer, to deep lymph massage, to energy healing, to building a deep, trusting relationship with nature intelligence. Her most recent trainings include studying Emotional Connection with Raphael Cushir and becoming a circle facilitator with Christian Pankhurst. She has been facilitating circles since 2014 and this remains her most passionate focus to date.
Most of Janet’s training and experience comes from the laboratory of life. She’s worked hard to figure out how to apply what she was exposed to in order to tame her emotional responses and ease intense self-criticism.
Because she thought there was something wrong with her, in her effort to figure out what it was and change it, she chose to isolate a lot. This meant she had many learning opportunities in a space with less influence from cultural norms than many people do. She escaped getting a label; her main struggle was simply feeling wrong, about her emotional reaction to anything and everything.
In this somewhat separate environment, the voice in her head of what she should do and how she should feel became more obvious, and she realized most of what the voice said was painful. When she finally made a deep connection with a woman who could see and feel the best of who she is, no matter how many times she fell down feeling awful about herself again, she made great progress in turning critical self-judgment into supportive self-talk.
The changes have come so fast in recent years that at this point she often lives the minutes of her days in a state of not knowing. Many of the old reference points are gone and the new feelings are continually in flux, keeping her mind looking for something familiar. She wonders, “If I’m not all those stories I told myself I was, then who am I and what is this I feel?”
Janet has had years of practice acknowledging and sitting with the fear and pain and self-attack that flooded in when she interacted with others, and she knows how to hold safe space for herself and others to be exactly where they are, and feel exactly the way they feel, right now. This level of acceptance opens the door to acknowledgment and healing for those who are blessed to get to spend time with her.
When asked why she does what she does, this is what she said:
“The motivation for many of my life choices was trying to find a way to ease my pain, which came mostly from feeling I was wrong – all the time. As I look back on my life now, I really don’t know what other people thought of me because I was so busy beating myself up and trying to be different somehow, that I have no idea what others saw or felt.
It’s been a slow, painful journey, but I am deeply grateful I have practiced seeing myself from different perspectives, and can now acknowledge who I am rather than who I’m not. Yeah, I’m not lots of things, but I feel more comfortable with who I am than I ever did before.
I know there are many people who still see themselves through the filter of not being good enough and I know from experience what that feels like! I really want to share with others things that helped me change my life, so they are aware of what’s possible!
Every time I admire another and see the best of them, or appreciate them for being honest and real when it is hard to do so, a part of me feels what I give to that person, and receives the acknowledgment. This nourishes me!
I appreciate deeply that I finally know I don’t need to try to be different than I am. As long as I show up and be real and honest about all the parts of me – even the ones I wish were different – I am allowing the human me to be seen. When I can respect and honor myself as I am, I can honor and respect you the way you are, and that feels really good!”
One of Janet’s favorite things to do is spend time in her garden.
Another favorite is time with her grandchildren.
Sometimes she gets to do both at the same time!